“Let me know how I can help.” Chances are you have offered this incredible kindness to friends and family during difficult times.
But when people are really, *really* struggling, often times the biggest thing you can give is a specific offer of help. More often than not, people in crisis aren’t sure what anyone can do or what kind help they even need.
Whether it’s a job loss, a terrible diagnosis, a divorce, or some other awful event, there are so many things you can just go ahead and do (without asking) when someone you know is in a difficult time. And none of them are wrong.
All help helps! Below are a few ideas to help care for and lift a friend or loved one up:
Grocery gift cards are sometimes better than casseroles. Grocery gift cards are a wonderful way to tell someone that you are thinking of them and offer a concrete form of help, especially if someone is struggling with a job loss.
As a rule of thumb: Gift cards are better than making a meal unless you are certain the fridge is empty. You can always check in before you cook. A simple phone call: “Hi! Do you have freezer space, or would a grocery card be easier?” Clears things up in a minute.
Handwrite and mail an actual greeting card. These days we’re digital, but I still think an old-fashioned card, the paper-and-envelope kind, can brighten someone’s day.
Mail a card with a quick note to someone, or leave it on a co-worker’s desk, and I guarantee they’ll be happy you thought of them. In the card, you can offer to babysit or do yard work. If you’re not that close yet, share your cell number and offer to listen anytime your acquaintance needs to vent.
Offer a specific outing. Another great way to help is to offer a friend or a family in crisis an outing. When people are going through a crisis, sometimes it is helpful to pull them out of it and into something distracting and fun.
Try a fun (and planned) drop-in. Just dropping in on someone in crisis isn’t always a great idea unless you are incredibly close, but outings can also be too big to plan and execute. So strike a middle ground: Opt for the planned drop-in. Planning a fun drop-in can be equally distracting and even more relaxing for those who are struggling.
Whatever you do, don’t do nothing! My mom died when I was 23 years old. I remember being super frustrated when well-meaning people said things like, "I wanted to ask how you were, but didn’t want to bring it up and make you cry.” I just lost my mom. Of course I was sad and of course I was crying a lot.
It takes courage to ask someone how they're doing when in mourning, but please be brave and ask! Bring up their loved one or their troubles and ask them to tell you. It helps immensely on the healing journey.
There’s no wrong way to help people in crisis. The bottom line is: Stay close. Stay in touch. Even if you feel like your connection is distant, it’s possible that that person is suffering and struggling alone today.
Reach out. Offer support in a way that feels authentic to you. We each have gifts that we can share with one another. Sharing them with someone at their rock bottom might be just what they need to stay afloat.